ADHD&ME

“Hi. I have severe ADD. Nice to meet you.” I wish I could start all my conversations like this. It would just make my life easier. I don’t get to do that though. I just get to let most people think I’m awkward, strange, and semi-retarded. I don’t want to use the term retarded, but I seriously couldn’t think of a different term to explain it. I am using it only as the term it has become, which doesn’t make it okay, but I am using it directed towards myself and nobody else, so it’s…..well still not okay. Kids, please don’t repeat anything you hear me say or write or type or whatever. But…..I guess I kind of am though……retarded that is. So I’ve earned my right to say it. I spent my time in the “special” classes. I’ve taken meds for it. I’ve suffered my entire life because of it, so yeah, I can say retarded maybe…..or not, but if I take back what I said now, I have to rewrite the whole first dang paragraph I’ve written, and I really want to take a bath, but told myself I couldn’t until I wrote a blog today……..oh look…..a squirrel. See!? I exhaust myself.

I’ve said before that I hide behind sarcasm. I absolutely do. When I have a conversation, not only am I trying to have a conversation with you, but I am also having a conversation with myself AND thinking about two other random thoughts at the same time. The initial conversation with you has usually left my mind 15 seconds in, and 20 more thoughts have also come and gone. And so by the end of it, if I look confused or I’m just staring blankly, its because I don’t even know what we were talking about to begin with. I honestly have no control over this. It’s not a choice. (My parents don’t have ADD, my brother doesn’t either. It’s just what I got handed in life, and I have no idea why.) Anyways, this is the biggest reason why I hate being ADD. It has made communication extremely hard for me my entire life. I don’t have one thing I want to say, I have 100 things I want to say all at once, so nothing ever comes out right. If I could write my way through life, I would be fine. It’s easier for me to manage my thoughts on paper then it is for me to say them verbally. I’ve learnt that sarcasm is not only funny, but it usually ends a conversation fast. Okay their laughing and distracted……RUN! Ding ding ding! Problem solved. Haha, no problem NOT solved but I’ve learned to play with what I’ve been dealt.

Now that I’m older, most days I love having ADD. I mean, I can throw out a decently funny blog in about 45 minutes that most people would spend all day trying to write. My brain just goes so fast. If I have a subject I actually want to write about, I could easily write a short novel on it in a day. And it would be fairly good. I can clean my entire house in like 2 hours, not from room to room like the normal person, I’m kind of all over the place, but I get it done. My wandering mind manages to clean everything. Twice. I love photography, and even though I’m not the best at it, I can do it because I see things differently. Most people see an object they want to take a picture of, and take it. I can also see an object I want to take the picture of, but I get distracted by everything surrounding it. So I have to make it all fit it together. And putting everything together just makes it work I guess. Unfortunately I can’t manage to sit still and focus long enough to figure out Photoshop, and until I do that, I will not be as successful as I want in the photography world. I may never be one of those book smart fellas, and man I wish some days I was. I’m so jealous that people can actually learn something from reading a instruction manual, that they can actually hold what they read in their brain. While I have to watch it on YouTube or have it verbally explained to me with pictures like a child, just to not remember it 10 minutes later. Its so frustrating. When I got home this morning from watching my nephew, I pulled into the garage telling myself not to leave my coffee cup in the car. I noticed a bucket Ray and I were talking about earlier with fishing stuff in it was in the garage, and he had thought he left it at the lake. I looked into it to make sure it was the same bucket, and it was. I also forgot to turn off my car and didn’t even realize it until I went back out to the garage get my coffee cup I STILL forgot. I DO have a brain. I really do, and I guarantee I’ve used my brain just as much, if not more than the average person. I just use it in a different way. You want to know how glitter is made, well…..I want to know what happens when I throw it up into the air. So while you’re thinking about the formula to make it, I’ll be the “retard” throwing it up and dancing in it. It’s not all bad. I’ll never make millions as a doctor or an engineer, but maybe with your guys’ help, writing will be my niche. If you guys think it’s semi good, others may too. Bloggers can make a living blogging somehow. I just haven’t been able to read into it enough yet to figure out how…..imagine that……

Oh yeah, before I forget…..I wanted to leave a little note to you moms and dads out there so this blog has a purpose….I believe that it is a lot harder to deal with someone with ADD in your life, than it is to actually have it. So, all you parents out there who are dealing with little kiddos with ADD/ADHD, don’t be too hard on yourselves. You may say things you don’t mean because your frustrated. You may get mad easier, you may feel like you’re screaming all the time and not being heard…..well, you’re totally right. You aren’t being heard. We’re totally distracted and not listening. So don’t be too hard on yourselves about how you’ve reacted to us, because chances are we didn’t even notice….And still love you………❤️❤️

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