Damn the Man.

Discipline in my children is something that I always seem to be trying to figure out. I spend like 75% of my life thinking of ways to do it properly, then the other 25% of it forgetting all my planned out thoughts, and just screaming bloody murder. I honestly don’t think there is an answer to one of the biggest questions out there…..

“How do I properly discipline my children.”

My answer is, forget it. You don’t. Just keep counting down the 18 years like every other parent out there is doing secretly. This doesn’t make us bad parents. Parenting ain’t easy. It’s easy nowadays for us to make it appear like we have all our shit figured out, but let’s be realistic…we don’t. No matter how much we sugar coat our lives for the world to see, it’s not real. It’s an illusion. Like when I post something on social media as I did tonight, “oh look at how cute we are. The girls each did my makeup. Isn’t it adorable?” Yeah, it was adorable, but I didn’t include in there that I told Claire I was trading one of her Christmas presents to buy new eyeshadow since she destroyed mine, or that I told Ella if she pulled my hair one more time I was going to hit her in the head with the brush. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Because even though I wanted to kill both of my kids the entire time they slopped makeup all over me and ripped out every bit of my already thinning hair (thanks to them also) …..it was still fun for them. And kinda for me too. I love seeing my kids happy. We all do. So I smiled and took pictures to post on Facebook so the world could see how much fun we were having. I think posting stuff like that is more of a reassurance to myself. Like, “hey look at me, I’m a good mom, and I’m not screaming,” and all of you just saw it too, so it has to be real. Like I’m good mom Facebook official. Haha, I don’t know, I just lost total track of what the hell I was writing about so I gotta go back and look…..

“How do I properly discipline my children.”

Forget that. I can’t properly disciple my children. I know that, and they definitely know that, so what’s the point in trying to write a blog on the subject when I know NOTHING about it. And honestly neither does anyone else, so I can’t even “research” it on Google or Pinterest first. And quite frankly, parents who think they know, and write bullshit how to’s on it, just piss me off anyways.

So, instead I’m going to write about things that I have disciplined my kids for that make me feel like a hypocrite because, I too am GUUUUIIILLLLTY!

I think my favorite is when my very opinionated 6 year old will say EXACTLY what I am thinking, and I have to tell her it’s not okay. Like she will legit say my thoughts. And then I have to be like, no Claire, it’s not nice to say things like that, even though I am currently thinking the exact same thing and I secretly want to high five her.

Or when my defiant 9 year old doesn’t want to go to bed, even though she’s beyond exhausted, and her head is spinning around Linda Blair style. Then I say, no Ella, it’s stupid not to go to bed when your exhausted, all while I am planning on staying up all night on my stupid phone. One eye open and squinting to read random stupid shit because I’m dead tired and the images are all starting to blur.

Or when claire doesn’t want to eat something she doesn’t like, but then I have to say, no Claire, you have to like whatever I’m forcing you to eat, for no apparent reason what’s so ever other than the fact that it goes back a million year that kids just have to eat what their parents say. It’s dumb. If I don’t like the shit, I’m not eating it, so why the hell should she have to?

Or when Ella throws a fit about wearing jeans, and I have to say, no Ella, no leggings today. Okay, my leggings wearing ass should just shut the hell up. Kid doesn’t wanna wear jeans, well I don’t either. How ignorant for me to tell her what she can and can’t wear. Its not like she skinned a human and is wearing his/her face around, the dang kid just wants to wear sweatpants. BIG DEAL. But for some reason I make it a big deal.

Oh oh, or when Claire wants to watch YouTube videos, and my social media addicted self is like, no Claire, find something healthy to do. How many of you parents out there spend less then like 3 hours on your phones daily? Exactly. We need to practice what we preach. I honestly don’t think kids need to be on electronics, but here I am again. Big old fat pot calling the kettle black.

And last but not least, when my kids want something out shopping, I can’t buy it, and they verbally get upset, aka throw a freaking shit fit. I do the exact same thing. I just have way more years experience hiding my disappointment in a store. Honestly, if I could throw myself on the ground and cry over something I want that I can’t have right now without being locked up, I totally would. So my kid cries because she can’t have a 89.00 dollar robot dog thing, well guess what? She’s over it in 5 minutes. Guess what’s going to happen when I can’t buy new makeup because I have to pay for something stupid like the electric bill? I’m going to make everyone’s life around me a living hell for the next two weeks. Who’s the asshole, me or my 6 year old?

Exactly.

Now this blog is not intended to be taken seriously. When I say I’m not disciplining my children, it doesn’t mean I am going to let them burn down the town, it just means that I have chosen to be a little more lenient with my kids when it comes to stupid shit that is just ridiculous. Besides, my mommy never disciplined me and look how refined and classy I turned out….✌️✌️

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