Mornings can kiss my…

Nightmares in my house don’t happen at night. They happen in the morning when my alarm goes off at 6:15 and I have to wake up my kids. It’s the exact same every single morning too. The previous night my 9 year old will say, wake me up at 5. Every single night she says this. I don’t know why, because it takes a crane to get her from her bed to the shower after waking her up for 10 minutes. She showers in the morning because she is a BEAST and it takes about 30 minutes of hot water dumping on her to make the transition back to human. At least three times I have to tell her to stand up in there too, she says she’s stretching. Do any of your kids do yoga in the shower in the mornings? I also have to remind her 30 times to rinse the shampoo out of her hair. Then another 30 to rinse the conditioner out. Sometimes she will get out with a full head of both and I just blow it off. Pick your battles right? When her head starts to itch and people tell her that her hair looks gross, she’ll learn.

So while she’s showering, I am carefully selecting her outfit for the day. She hates everything I pick out, yet insists that I do it for her. I will never understand this. I can literally pick out an outfit she has previously worn 20 times, but she “haaaaates that,” and I am destroying her life. How could I pick out something so horrible. How could I do this to her. What kind of mom am I? Seriously kid, it’s a sweat outfit, and a stupid expensive one you had to have from Justice. There are worse things in life. I’m not joking, we have had a full blown toddler meltdown over a pair of pants before. Yet I still have to pick out her clothes for her, even though 5 seconds later, she puts on something else.

“Brush your hair.”

“I did.”

“No you didn’t.”

“You don’t know that mooooommmm.”

Well, actually, yes I do. Hair is literally sopping wet, matted to her face and in a huge rats nest. I don’t know how it could possibly be in a rats nest since she insists on using my Aveda conditioner. The one nice thing I buy myself these days. And she uses half the damn bottle. How is it possible that she comes out with her hair tied in knots? Does this happen during yoga? I don’t get it. There is one perfectly brushed strand right in the front though, always. That one brushed spot that makes me a liar when I say she’s hasn’t brushed her hair. Whatever. Put it in a ponytail.

“Brush your teeth.” “Brush your teeth.” “Brush your teeth.” “Brush your teeth.” “Brush your teeth.” “BRUSH YOUR TEEEEETHH!!”

“I heard you mom, you don’t have to always yell at me.” Of course you did. I’m so sorry for being absolutely crazy. I have to say it at least 10 more times too. Then listen to her complain about how I am trying to kill her with the toothpaste and it’s so gross and she hates it and she’s never brushing her teeth again.

We have boots and jackets on, and the bus will be here in exactly 2 minutes. This is when she remembers everything she wants to do in life. She needs her book, she needs to charge her phone, she hates lunch and needs to pack one, she forgot that two weeks ago she had to write a report, and needs to finish the book first. She also needs a shoe box for that day, and oh yeah, she suddenly has a stomach ache and feels like she is going to puke. Flu comes on fast I guess.

I do everything in my power to smile, hug her, and send her out the door. It also takes everything in my power to not kick her from behind while she walks out too. I’m not a monster though. And sometimes thinking about it is just as satisfying. That child seriously exhausts me. I can’t wait until her teenage years……😳

My youngest is such a breath of fresh air in the morning. Oh yeah…… CLAIRE! I forgot about CLAIRE! Well, luckily all I have to do with my 6 year old is lay out her clothes. She brushes her teeth, she brushes her hair. She gets dressed. She gets her backpack. She does these things ALL ON HER OWN. She doesn’t say a flipping word all morning except, “can I bring a piece of candy for the bus,” when it’s time to leave. Claire is a morning person. Claire is a monster after school though, but that’s a different blog, and a different story that I will save for a different time…….❤️❤️


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