One of my biggest obstacles I face in life is focus. They say people with ADD & ADHD have a hard time with it. Well let me tell you, they are absolutely correct. BUT…we can still do it. We just focus on 10 things instead of 1. We are all over the place, all of the time. It’s hard to control what we focus on, but it’s not that we actually are incapable of doing it.
This morning I had a to do list that needed to be done. 5 minor things. I got them all done, but not in any particular order. I operate kind of like a puzzle. Imagine an unfinished puzzle sitting in front of you. It’s impossible to put a puzzle together in any specific order. You kind of work your way around in circles, working on different sections until you put it all together, and that very last piece is finally put into place. That’s kind of how I operate on a day to day basis. I’ll eventually get every bit done, but there will be missing pieces of each part of what I am doing everywhere until it is all complete.
Does that make sense?
Well unfortunalely that is how my mind also works. My brain is a like a puzzle. And it’s really hard to put all of those thoughts (or “pieces”) together sometimes. I struggle with this with everything in my life. Being a mother, blogging, my relationship, household tasks, even my everyday thoughts. It’s exhausting.
So I was thinking this morning somewhere between dishes and laundry, “what can I do to try to control my thoughts a little more?” Lately my problem with living in the past/future is really getting in the way of trying to live in the present time. I want to focus on right now. Right now is all that matters. Spending too much money yesterday so that I may not be able to spend as much next week means nothing. Who cares. I’m living without whatever I may want next week right at this very moment, so why should I worry about whether or not I will have whatever it is I might think I need by next week? Get what I’m saying here? It’s all shit that DOESNT MATTER RIGHT NOW.
So….I’m going to do something for myself. I’m going schedule 10 minutes of my day to a bad focus time. I’m going to sit down and write in a journal every single thing I worried about, past and future, that day that is totally irrelevant to present time. Then the next day I will reread it and actually be able to show myself how much of it was worth fretting over, and how much of it was just plain ridiculous.
I have a feeling I’m going to end up with a journal full of ridiculousness after just one month. Maybe after a year I can have it published? Who knows. And who cares, that’s the future, right? It doesn’t matter right now.